nostalgia
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ive been reminiscing bout past chinese new years since this year has seemed so boring and pointless.
as i stood at the front porch of my uncle's huge house and staring into the garden that carried many fond memories, i realized for the millionth time how everything has changed and how everyone is different from what they used to be.
looking around, i see my elder cousins even more grown up now. most are enjoying successful careers. some married and giving out ang baos like the rest of the parents. one even nobly gave up her brilliant law career to start a warm and loving family. their children forming a whole new generation below mine. kids who filled the shoes of my past that seemed to have been happening not too long ago, leaving me and my brother stranded between 2 generation gaps.
but these new additions to the family are never ever going to experience the exact same childhood cnys i had. gone are the days of the huge family gatherings, the reunion lunches, the delicious curry, the abundance of food, the games we played, the squeaky turning chair - i remember the good fun my cousins and i had twirling around in that chair, fighting and squabbling for a turn. that chair is gone for good now. the ancient grandfather's clock that was once the centre of attraction had sung its last tune, ticked its last stroke, and was now sitting unnoticed and dusty in one corner. the excellent traditional lion dance that got the whole curious neighbourhood down to spectate had not been keeping up its great standards. now the lion looks scrawny and wears funky nike shoes. other cousins who gradually started to disappear throughout the years remain missing, many carving a niche for themselves somewhere out there in the world - a world that holds endless boundaries for them. im wondering if they will ever be back to share their vast array of experiences with me. i dont see myself ever going to china to start a business. in fact i dont even see myself going to china for whatever reason at all.
i realize there's such a thin line between mature teenagehood and young adulthood.
my little nephews/nieces/cousins were a refreshing sight. it was fun observing their innocent laughter, listening to them babble nonsense, getting inquisitive over tupperwares, nonchalantly ignoring all the attention being shown to them, and enjoying the simplicities of life and toys. oblivious to the ironic images and news reports on war and destruction being broadcasted on cnn. not understanding the subtle meaning behind messages preparing the world for more pain and innocent bloodshed. in any case, they seem really intelligent with bright futures ahead of them. hope none of them grow up to be intellectual snobs. grin.
argh sales data gathering call tmr morning. havent started preparing yet. haha. expected of me eh? no big surprise there. im not a last minute person, really. il start preparing for it when i wake up later tonight. heh.
jem - 1:53 PM